I absolutely loved Britney Spears growing up and her evolution saddened me. She continued her music, yet her latest hits never captured me the way the first albums did. I guess it makes sense now why – she was never really allowed to express herself completely.
I read Britney’s memoir in a day and loved her confessions, even though, overall, it felt a bit rushed. I especially enjoyed the self-reflection she adds to every little story. In this article, you will find:
- Thoughts on “The Woman in Me” – Book Review
- A Spoilery Summary of “The Woman in Me”,
- The Woman in Me in 13 Powerful Quotes
Thoughts on Britney Spears’ “The Woman in Me”
This book was astounding in its revelations. I had no idea a powerful woman, an obscenely rich woman can be made to endure so much. It seems unfair to go through all she went through and to this day, she continues to get judged for what she does.
Britney was under conservatorship for 13 years. Her father controlled absolutely everything about her life – from what she ate to how she dressed. She was completely denied access to her own money and forced to work, diet and exercise. She was also committed to rehab and mental facilities whenever she didn’t comply with her father’s wishes. A grown, adult woman treated like a child. No one helped. No one cared.
Firstly, the fact that this was even possible and legal is eye-opening. Our society is still too cruel for women. You’d think these kinds of cases belong in the past, yet they obviously happen today. If they happened to her, what chance do other women even have?
Secondly, I’d love to address all the cringe interviews Britney had during her teenage years. She confesses how they hurt her and how her treatment was completely different from that of male artists. Have things changed since then? Not at all, if you watch Taylor Swift’s interviews where she was grilled about the men she dated. Not if you watch current comments about Britney’s own Instagram account.
It all makes you wonder…when will women be in control of their bodies without receiving endless criticism about it?!
I feel Britney’s book is a testament to how our society treats its heroes. The media created Britney into a role model, something she never planned on being. Then they all turned on her because she didn’t live up to her image – she was too sexy! It escalated up to a point where the wife of a Maryland governor even threatened to kill her after the famous kiss with Madonna because of the example she sets for kids!
That is to say… when people have formed an idea about you, especially when you are in the spotlight, it makes it impossible to evolve. Britney, like any other person, is just human. A complex human. A flawed human. It’s hilarious to think she needs to be one way or the other. She just needs to be whatever she wants and everyone should really stop having opinions on how other people live their lives.
What impressed me even more than her sorrows, is Britney’s passion for music and dancing. She has the sensible soul of an artist and, through this book, she shows her vulnerability completely. This absolute honesty is what makes the writing so powerful: it captures Britney’s voice and finally repositions her in control of the narrative around her life.
Summary of “The Woman in Me” (with spoilers!)
Britney comes from an abusive background. She starts the book by discussing her harsh, perfectionist, never-satisfied grandfather who abused and pushed her father, Jamie, to his limits. Though hard-working, Jamie was also a “reckless, cold, and mean” alcoholic.
Her grandmother (on her mother’s side) was British and forced to go from a busy London life to a small country one as she married the American soldier (Britney’s grandfather) she met in WWII. It was a life she didn’t expect and which never satisfied her completely. However, she was wealthy, so Britney’s mom, Lynne, was raised with a lot of wealth.
When she was little, Britney loved to hide, just to get the attention of everyone, as they organised search parties for her. However, what she really adored was singing and dancing, both equally effective ways to get attention.
Luckily, her parents did, in fact, notice her talents and started taking Britney to local competitions, including “The Mickey Mouse Club”. Though she didn’t get in because of her young age, the people there were delighted. They suggested she should come back in a few years, with a bit more experience (maybe try jobs in New York) and with an agent. This is exactly what she did.
I was a little girl with big dreams. I wanted to be a star like Madonna, Dolly Parton, or Whitney Houston. I had simpler dreams, too, dreams that seemed even harder to achieve and that felt too ambitious to say out loud: I want my dad to stop drinking. I want my mom to stop yelling. I want everyone to be okay.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
At “The Mickey Mouse Club”, Britney met Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake. She loved her experience there, but when it was over, she chose to go back home to Kentwood to live a “normal” life. This included, at thirteen, drinking with her mother, smoking and even driving. At fourteen she lost her virginity. Soon, she realised this kind of simple life wasn’t enough.
Britney went back to New York, signed with Jive Records and started recording. She had an incredible work ethic and focus – she was just unstoppable. Britney was only 16 when the “…Baby One More Time” hit came out.
Afterwards, she went on tour with NSYNC, regularly hanging out with Justin Timberlake before their concerts. Singing all over the world, she met with legends like Madonna and Mariah Carey. She was in awe at them all.
However, the fun part of singing and dancing started to be sprinkled, even early on, with weird interviews about the size of her breasts or how she corrupts America’s youth. She started taking Prozac just to face criticism.
In her personal life, all was going great. She was in a relationship with Justin. They were both in love and willing to move past any indiscretions either one committed.
At one point when we were dating, I became pregnant with Justin’s baby. It was a surprise, but for me it wasn’t a tragedy. I loved Justin so much. I always expected us to have a family together one day. This would just be much earlier than I’d anticipated. Besides, what was done was done.
But Justin definitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives, that we were way too young.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
She went on to have an abortion and Justin broke up with her in text soon after that. It all left her suffering immensely.
It also didn’t help that Justin got out an album with songs like “Cry Me a River” that blamed her for the breakup. Sadly, she didn’t have time to properly get over everything – she had concerts to do.
Why was it so easy for everyone to forget that I was a human being—vulnerable enough that these headlines could leave a bruise?
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
While in New York, Madonna helps Britney view her situation with fresh eyes. The two become friends and collaborate on the hit “Me Against the Music”, where Madonna feels in charge of everything. This becomes an example for Britney on how to act powerfully and fearlessly.
Soon after, she is made to take a humiliating interview with Diane Sawyer. She cries during the interview but keeps the secret of everything that happened. She is portrayed as the villain in the Justin relationship.
Hurt, she goes back home, but can’t find the peace she was searching for with her family. She decides Vegas is a better idea and some good fun, but ends up marrying a childhood friend in a chapel there. Britney’s parents are quick to intervene and get everything annulled.
Soon she is forced to go back on a tour, as she already had contractual obligations. She meets Kevin Federline and falls in love. They marry, even though she is warned (a bit late, as she is already in a committed relationship by now) that he has two very small kids.
Britney and Kevin start a family of their own: she has two boys in two years. The pregnancies are easy and she loves everything about the kids, but she is also depressed and has absolutely no support from Kevin at home. Caring for kids alone is much more difficult than expected.
The way Kevin Federline treated Britney is terrible. With two young kids, he takes advantage of the fame Britney brought him and tries to make it as a rapper. He is praised for it while Britney is continually questioned about being “a bad mom“. Their relationship soon falls apart completely and they divorce, with a complicated custody battle, where Kevin simply doesn’t allow her to see the kids for weeks on end.
Fed up with the people in her life acting like she was evil, she shaves her head. Britney’s act is one of anger and desperation. Everyone condemns her even more.
When her “Blackout” album gets out, she has to perform at the VMAs to promote it and prove to everyone she is doing well. The “Gimme More” performance is awful according to her critics and she is mocked for weeks about it afterwards.
All this time paparazzi follow her everywhere. She can’t get a moment of peace anywhere.
Soon after, she is put under conservatorship by her family. Though this is usually done for people who actually can’t take care of themselves at all, it is somehow done for Britney as well. She is all this time highly functional, she gets out albums, she does shows and interviews. Yet, she can no longer access her own money. Her father essentially becomes Britney.
Britney is forced to accept this abuse for years. She does it all for her kids. Her father controls not only her assets and career but also her life completely – from what she eats to when she exercises, goes to the bathroom or when she sleeps. She lived like a nun for years, with no access to a cell phone at times or stuck in rehab whenever she didn’t cooperate. All the while, she continues working, essentially producing money for her family to spend as her allowance doesn’t afford her almost anything.
Britney’s life is quiet. Her day-to-day is boring, but she is okay with it because she is allowed to be with her sons. During this time she participates in “The X Factor” and establishes a residency in Vegas, doing shows every week. She also gets out the “Glory” album and she is forced to promote it on tour, instead of going on vacation with her boys. Again, when she starts pushing back, she is forced into rehab for months.
At about this time, the “Free Britney” movement started and nurses in her rehab showed her videos about it. She is impressed and it gives her courage.
On June 22, 2021, Britney called 911 to report her father’s abuse. The next day, she publicly addresses a court telling her story and asked for freedom.
The Woman in Me in 13 Powerful Quotes
My mom and dad took my womanhood from me. It was a win-win for them.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
“I’m Britney Spears now,” he said.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
I had been told that I couldn’t hire anyone new, because my lawyer had to be court-approved. Much later, I would come to find out that was bullshit: I didn’t know for thirteen years that I could’ve gotten my own lawyer.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
[…] when my father said, “I call the shots,” I thought, This is too much for me. But I didn’t see a way out. So I felt my spirit retreat, and I went on autopilot. If I play along, surely they’ll see how good I am and they will let me go.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
And so I went along with it.
If you’re asking why I went along with it, there’s one very good reason. I did it for my kids.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
Because I played by the rules, I was reunited with my boys.
My freedom in exchange for naps with my children—it was a trade I was willing to make. There is nothing I love more—nothing more important to me on this earth—than my children. I’d lay down my life for them.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
So, I thought, why not my freedom?
Think of how many male artists gambled all their money away; how many had substance abuse or mental health issues. No one tried to take away their control over their body and money. I didn’t deserve what my family did to me.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
The woman in me was pushed down for a long time. They wanted me to be wild onstage, the way they told me to be, and to be a robot the rest of the time. I felt like I was being deprived of those good secrets of life—those fundamental supposed sins of indulgence and adventure that make us human. They wanted to take away that specialness and keep everything as rote as possible. It was death to my creativity as an artist.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
Whether it was strangers in the media or within my own family, people seemed to experience my body as public property: something they could police, control, criticize, or use as a weapon. My body was strong enough to carry two children and agile enough to execute every choreographed move perfectly onstage. And now here I was, having every calorie recorded so people could continue to get rich off my body.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
I decided to make a push to get out of the conservatorship. I went to court in 2014 and mentioned my father’s alcoholism and erratic behavior, asking that they drug-test him. After all, he was controlling my money and my life. But my case didn’t go anywhere. The judge just didn’t listen.
What followed was a cloak-and-dagger effort to get my own lawyer. I even mentioned the conservatorship on a talk show in 2016, but somehow, that part of the interview didn’t make it to the air. Huh. How interesting.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
I don’t think people knew how much the #FreeBritney movement meant to me, especially in the beginning. Toward the end, when the court hearings were going on, seeing people advocating for me meant a whole lot. But when it first happened, that got my heart, because I was not okay, not at all. And the fact that my friends and my fans sensed what was happening and did all that for me, that’s a debt I can never repay. If you stood up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself: from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
I can get a new notebook, and I can start over. I’ve been through a lot. The reason why I’m alive today is because I know joy.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
It was time to find God again.
In that moment, I made peace with my family—by which I mean that I realized I never wanted to see them again, and I was at peace with that.
Of all the things they did, I will say that the worst was to make me question my faith. I never had strict ideas about religion. I just knew there was something bigger than me. Under their control, I stopped believing in God for a while. But then, when it came time to end the conservatorship, I realized one thing: You can’t fuck with a woman who knows how to pray. Really pray. All I did was pray.
The Woman in Me, Britney Spears
Conclusion
Britney Spears’ “The Woman in Me” is a must-read. It’s an insight into suffering, loneliness and a mother’s heart. It’s a roar to never lose your voice and fight for what you feel is right – or you will lose years of your life pleasing others, years you can never get back.
I was deeply moved by it, appalled someone could go through that, sad that sometimes your own family can be your worst enemy.
You can find the book here:
Read Fine Books 